I experienced a wide range of emotions after standing on the podium at Unbound. Climbing up there and fulfilling a long journey of hard work and sacrifice filled me with elation. However, it also left me with a lingering question of “what’s next?” The following four days were mostly filled with snacking and sleeping as I basked in achieving my biggest goal of the year, only touching the bike to clean it.
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This Journal entry is the third entry in Brynn’s series about the things that took them away from the bike, and the things that brought them back. You can find chapter 1 here, and chapter 2 here.
Grief brought my life to a standstill. At first, I didn’t know who I was anymore: whether I would be able to continue nursing, and, if I did, what that would look like. After years in the ICU, years during the pandemic, and then finally watching my father waste away on a ventilator, work was a constant trigger point.
What I also knew is that I don’t do well when I’m not moving. I decided to take the leap and try travel nursing out in California, which was the last place I had really felt like myself. The year prior I had worked at the clinic in Yosemite National Park and it had been life changing. I had fallen in love with the West coast, the Sierra Nevada Mountains, and backpacking. I wanted that energy back again.
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All of the warring voices in the four walls of my skull have agreed to a holiday ceasefire, presumably sitting around a campfire, listening (semi-ironically) to the Psychedelic Furs as I stand quietly behind the starting line of a 350 mile bike race. The race director’s voice drones on as the corral grows fuller and I begin feeling increasingly veal-like. The new-wave kumbaya holding my anxiety at bay is quieted by the voice above, “blah blah blah… can you believe that they paid for this, folks… wah blah wah mud blah rain blah paint stick blah”.
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When you’ve been living in a place for ages, it’s easy to overlook its charm. Growing up just a couple of hours outside Emporia and spending most of my life in Kansas, I couldn’t fathom why people would travel from far and wide to race on seemingly dull and unchanging roads. But then, amid a grueling nearly 25-hour journey, a realization hit me like a lightning bolt. As I pedaled along the ridge, the undulating emerald hills stretched for miles while ominous thunderclouds loomed above—a quintessential Kansas storm rolling in to welcome me back. There was nothing to do but smile and hope it wasn’t too harsh. Soon, a refreshing 30-minute drizzle came to my rescue, and I found myself grateful for the momentary respite from the heat and electrified by the surrounding beauty.
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Written, shot, and ridden By Benjamin Carpenter
Changing plans is an enevitable element of life I find myself in constant confrontation with be it the weather, my body, my family or my work life. It’s a constant flux, and maybe probably for good reason. Change keeps me on my toes, and constantly adapting, but the same is true about bikepackng, or any long ride that covers many miles in a prolonged amount of time. Dealing with change and adapting is how I flourish.
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Lucas Clarke’s Unbound 200 single speed ride had us speechless, and the numbers tell the story impressively:
Update: Luke took his bike to 2nd overall at this year’s XL, and we couldn’t be more proud of him and his ride!
This year, I will be going back to Unbound to race the 350 mile XL. I chose the XL because I have history racing ultras out of Emporia, Kansas and I think the format of less than 24 hour ultras is pretty exciting. It requires a ton of focus and persistence. Last year, I was signed up for the XL and made it through 185 miles. A couple of weeks before the race I had to get stitches on my elbow and was on a wide variety of antibiotics. It really messed with my stomach and I wasn’t able to eat like I wanted. I’ve put in a lot of work this season getting prepared, both physically and mentally. I think I have a pretty strong chance at the top step. My bike setup is second to none and one of my favorite, unique builds.
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This is the second of Brynn’s series about the forces in life that took them away from the bike, and brought them back.
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Hey there dear reader! Please let me to (re)introduce myself. My name is Stephen Fitzgerald, and I’m the Intern In Chief around here at Rodeo, which means that I sweep the stairs, ride the Donkeys, wipe the counters, and also try to run the whole operation on the side, with the help of six or seven other rad humans.
It’s been on my mind since about 2020 to start doing regular newsletter updates, and since exactly that moment that I first thought of the idea, I’ve also been putting it off. Until today! Today I’m doing the thing.
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My name is Brynn- I am a travel nurse, an adventurer, and endlessly curious. To balance the stress of working in the hospital, I seek solace in the outdoors- hiking, rock climbing, and of course, cycling. Over the course of the pandemic however, my desire to ride my bike almost disappeared. Motivation was difficult to find and the idea of finding new routes, people to ride with, or dealing with a mechanical seemed insurmountable. While this story is about bikes, it is also just a story about me, learning to cope as a nurse in this world. It is a story that illustrates what I lost in myself and what I have come to find again, through the lens of finding my way back to the saddle. It is a story of loss, fear, and grief, but also a story of hope, growth and finding joy again. And of course, a return to the bike as a way of healing.
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